The Craft Whore:
She's never met a craft
she didn't want to do.

on Amy Sedaris:

Can't I have anything, AMY?
CAN'T I?????

on the craft scene:

I am a hermit crab.
And not even the kind
with the cool painted shell.

on process:

If I had one message to pass on, it would be don't think about it -- just do it and have fun.

on the holidays:

I always say Christmas is to the Craftaholic what New Year's is to the Alcoholic.

Oh, surprise, I'm back! This month I'm interviewing The Craft Whore (aka Stacy McQueen), who is a FORCE, let me tell you. One of those people who completely lives up to the hype. I encourage you to explore the links at left to her amazing videos, for starters. Also, to give you an idea of how insane she is: Stacy was two-thirds through her laborious three-part series on paper mache when she was called out of town unexpectedly. She returned to find that rats had broken into her California garage and eaten the entire creation. This is just the kind of wacky, insane world The Craft Whore lives in. You can't make this shit up.

Start by watching this video to meet the regular-crazy Stacy; watch other videos (linked at left and above) to see The Craft Whore in action!

Query: First things first: what's your all-time favorite cocktail, sister?

Whore: Cucumber martini! (although my liver says no to vodka my lips say yes-please-i'll have another).

I can't find anyone in LA that makes them. I had my first one at Isla in Vegas's Treasure Island (I really really hate that TREASURE ISLAND is now known as TI. No skull and crossbones just a eighties lookin' crap sign. No pirates?!! Are they high? They want to take the cheese out of Vegas???? WHYYYYY? THAT'S WHY I FREAKIN' GO TO VEGAS!) Pissed me off big time and the only thing that soothed my freakin' rage was that cucumber martini. Lucky for you, I asked them to give up the recipe:

Basically you squish up some cucumber, some simple sugar...squish squish squish...then when ya got it real good and squishy...you pour in some TOP NOTCH vodka...some ice....you shake it around and strain it into a glass. maybe there's some vermouth...I don't know, who needs it...gets in the way if you ask me. I just wave the bottle over the glass and call it art. They throw in this little floaty red pepper (i get all clappy over that) - ta da! And remember -- martinis are like tits: one is not enough and three is two many (unless you've had a mastectomy then ONE ROCKS!)

Query: Ka-ching! Now tell us how the whole Craft Whore thing happened.

Whore: I was an actress... moved out here from Texas and did two years on General Hospital (did I mention my name used to be Stacey Cortez?) I did a few pilots, had a few small roles in some movies, commercials, plays, writing... yadda yadda same ol' story.

The whole while I was craftin' my guts out. Running around with crafting ADD, always searching for something I can sell and make miiilllllions. Candles, quilts, jewelry, cards... the list is endless. I wanted to do stand up but was too lazy/a fear'd. So I kept on crafting. I worked at a studio as a reader/ script doctoring. Crafted. Did some plays. Crafted. Tried to sell fairy god nonnas -- little magical creatures with polymer clay faces that looked like bone and bodies stuffed with stinky herbs and hand beaded or whatever. Each one was unique and took days of my life. I showed them to some women and one picked it up and went on about how awesome it was and then said "Stacy, these are great, I'd pay like THREE DOLLARS for it." I sat there stunned. Does it look like something you'd find at Big Lots??? I snatched it back, went home depressed and never made another one.

I was given a rose petal rosary by my Aunt Mary Ann. Beautiful and smelled of roses (duh). Thought I'd steal the idea and make jewelry. That was the Christmas everyone thought I had given them necklaces made of raisins. Back to the crafty drawing board. Any and every medium attracted me ....I'd go through Joann's all drooly.

I had a greeting card business for awhile with my best pal at the time called Roger That!
We'd sit around, knocking back cocktails and pair up vintage pics and really wrong quotes. (at the time it was sooo subversive) super handmade looking... no attempt to make them look pro. As long as there was hooch in our glasses and a good bad Meridith Baxter Birney movie-of-the-week on TV, we were happy clams. We'd finish a batch, then I'd schlep them around to shops in LA and sell them for like a nickel and we'd laugh our heads off over the fact that we were making squat. Then a company bought twenty of our designs, we were still not making squat but we felt legit. We parted ways, she kept the business and ROGER THAT! is coming up in the world. I highly recommend checking out her cards at rogerthatcards.com They're hilarious. And there's still a few designs (very few now) that are mine. (The one with a kid wearing a party hat eating donuts complete with a quote about getting rid of pin worms is mine).

About that time I had convinced myself there was no money to be made in crafts and was writing a screenplay. I got a call from a friend who said she was starting a monthly show called WOMEN'S NIGHT OUT and she wanted me to come on and talk about crafts. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything more boring. I did NOT want to be known as a CRAFT LADY. Images of me up there wearing a kitten vest and waxing on about the glories of dried flowers came to mind. This was five years ago. I didn't know of any cool crafters. I didn't even think of myself as a crafter, it was just a way of life. Anyway, she pestered me for months until she finally wore me down. Cussing, I grabbed a laundry basket, walked around my house and started putting stuff in it that i had made. It was full in seconds. Back then the show was in this little coffee shop on Ventura...with like twenty people. I got up there and started showing the things i made...and suddenly everyone's laughing. I was confused. But soon I realized they were laughing because because every object was either half made or something had gone terribly wrong or i had crafted something bizarre (not to me but to them).

The ham in me perked up and came back the next month...and the next. I became a regular segment on the show. Back then they called me the Craft Mistress. I started hosting events and once in awhile did stand up. Then about a year into it I made a joke calling myself a CRAFT WHORE because I never met craft i didn't want to do...and it just stuck. Women's Night Out has grown over the years...moved to MBar...hosted by the ever so awesome Alicia Brandt (see craft & a cocktail summer solstice) We have a great audience and are always being told we're THIS close to having a show on TV. Over time I've developed different segments: There's the Procraftinator segment. Basically I show all the crafts I've started and haven't finished. My greeting cards are always part of it (like for fathers day... there's a cute vintage little girl and a big THANKS DAD on the front....inside it says FOR NOT MOLESTING ME.' or the cards out of meat ads. So gross they make me laugh. Pork Shoulder Roast pic on the front complete with diamonds and red glitter and inside reads: 'if you need a shoulder to cry on.') I do a segment on stuff I've made from the 99 cent store. I bag on Gwyneth Paltrow all the time...people love to hate her... people are really disappointed if I don't have something new on her. Luckily she always is coming out with some stupid quote for me to use. Kotex stuff.. I work in duct tape a lot. The best part for me is the fact that I'm doing this craft/stand up hybrid so I can't do it wrong. I'm not a stand up working out 'jokes' and I'm not really talking about HOW TO craft... jJust getting up and riffing.

For years it's been hard to explain to friends/family /strangers what it is I do. They hear crafts and think of one of those perky hosts on DIY. One of the reasons I started making my own videos is so when people ask me what I do, I can say go look at my youtube site.

Holy crap! How's that for a long rambly answer? Here's the short version: I've always been a craft whore. I've always been a performer. one day I had a Reese's "hey you got your peanut butter in my chocolate" moment and I've never looked back.

Query: Okay, yeay! Who are some of your favorite crafters - or do you have any?

Whore: Honestly I've been holed up for so long, it was a real shock when i realized how big the subversive craft thing has gotten. It was a kick in the teeth when a friend gave me Amy Sedaris's book for Christmas last year. He looked at me all solemn like and said "I just thought you should know" Don't get me wrong, I freakin' love Amy Sedaris, had no idea she did the craft thing and honestly was devastated because her book is similar to my stuff in a lot of ways. The tone, even some of the same crafts. I have to point out that I have not read all of it... just too painful. I'm not saying she stole my stuff, I'm not even saying great minds think alike... I'm just saying that isn't it enough she got to rock it like a freakin' rock star in Strangers with Candy AND got to be in Elf? Does she have to get credit for being the first crafts/comedy person? I mean I KNOW I'm no match and she's da bomb but can't I have anything AMY? CAN'T I?????

The answer is yes. But that answer didn't come until many bottles of cab later. It was February before I got up off the floor again with the help of my husband and friends. They pointed out that I didn't really have anything else going on so I might as well keep up the craft whore bit. So true. Yes she has a book. Yes she's famous. Yes she has a bunny and I had a bunny but mine got eaten by the Phillipinos next door. Yes she's a super talent and David Letterman loves her and she makes me pee... and YES YES YES I'm jealous and live in fear that everything I have planned in my upcoming episodes has already been done by Amy Sedaris or some other cool crafter I've yet to stumble upon... and yes I love her and would like to meet her but know if i did I'd freeze up with a retarded grin on my face mumbling something about cheeseballs and it wouldn't be until she walked away that I'd realize I had a black bean soup stain on my shirt or that one of the skins off of the black bean had covered my entire front tooth giving me a John Larouche (that's my nod to Adaptation) look and completely turning her off.

So see, as far as favorite crafters, my honest answer is that I am a hermit crab. And not even the kind with the cool painted shell. My jealousy and pansy-ass fears keep me from searching out too much. When I saw Julie's stuff & visited your blog I had to stop because it was too awesome... and I felt vomity. Maybe when I've gotten more of my episodes out there, and feel more established I'll be able to be all magnanimous. I guess that's how I know I'm doing what I should. I don't admire Reese Witherspoon or Charlize Theron...nope, I admire people who are big in the crafting/art world. Like Julie J. I just saw she has a book at Urban Outfitters and was overwhelmed with the need to fan her with a giant palm leaf. She rocks.

Query: I believe I can set that up. So the crafting part is for reals? What are your favorite crafty pasttimes?

Whore: Oh yeah! I am truly a craft whore. But as time has gone on, I do tend to lean more towards crafts with a skewed point of view. I have less and less time for straight crafting. To be honest, I'm pretty awful at everything. If it's got to be perfect and concise... fugetaboutit. So in a way, whatever I craft becomes comical... because something seems to ALWAYS go wrong. And I'm lazy and ALWAYS looking for the short cut. Or I get bored. Or it looks so bad I feel like I've wasted my life and throw it out. But then again, sometimes I do get it right.. I do my best work when I don't think about it.

If I had one message to pass on, it would be don't think about it, just do it and have fun. You can't screw up. Or...well, ya can. And I do. But lots of times the screw ups are the best part about it. The only thing that I consistantly craft are my GRUMPS. I'm hoping to take them global this next year. I also want to do these cool hand muffs (saw a version in a fancy pants store in Paris...) I'm a sucker for anything that could be described as 'whimsical/magical/completely fruity'.

This is a tough time of year for me. I always say Christmas is to the craftaholic what New Year's is to the Alcoholic. I have to really focus. But damn my list is long already... I wanna make snow globes, fire & ice pickles, homemade wine, cell phone holders, octopus tentacle scarves and I've really been wanting to get one of those pot holder looms i had as a kid and see if I can figure out how to put Gwyneth Paltrow's face in the center... Paltrow potholders could be big sellers, don't ya think?

Query: Put me down for ten! What do we need to know about your craft fair? [oops - we asked this question before the fact, but the fair was in December. Anyhoo...]

Whore: THAT IT'S GONNA ROCK! It's more of a KICK ASS HOLIDAY party that happens to have crafts for sale. Again my jealousy of pro crafters gets in the way of me jumping into the whole craft fair circuit. I'm completely out of the loop. I started this a few years back so I could sell my junk without feeling intimidated. I didn't want to have to apply and get rejected. This is the third year I've done it and it's finally going to be the way I want it. Before it was like 'hey whoever wants to do this just show up!' which was fun, but there are lots of crap displays and people complaining that they weren't selling. Now there's an application and I get to pick crafts I'd actually think about buying. I'd love to ultimately have a group of people like me that craft but aren't craft fair whores.... so that my fair stands out because it's all stuff that's only on sale once a year. It's so much hard work and planning but I get huge kick out of it.

Last year a little girl and her mom came by. the girl was all aflutter over a grump but her mom didn't buy it for her. two hours later the mom came back. Said that my grump was going to be a gift from Santa. I was like "OH MY GOD SANTA'S NOT REAL? THAT FUCKING SUCKS! " Then after I calmed down, I felt all sappy thinking about how something I made was going to be a part of this little girl's Christmas. After she left, I wished I had told the mom to take the tag off. The front says 'GRUMPS: We may be cute but we don't have to be happy about it.' on the other side it reads 'LABORIOUSLY HANDMADE BY A REAL LIFE CRAFT WHORE'. I hope Santa was smart enough to read both sides.

Anyway, my fair... it's got great crafts by kick ass crafters, free sangria & holy toast bar. Performances by some of LA's best. And a rockin' raffle. And this year I'll be showing my films every hour. If anyone lives in Los Angeles... stop by THE FAKE GALLERY on Melrose on December 9th between 11-7... tell the door person that you know the CRAFT WHORE and you'll get in for free. (otherwise it's a buck)

Query: Is your husband as funny as you are, or is he just a captive audience?

Whore: My husband is funny. Not a performer -- strictly behind the camera guy which is good cuz that's how he keeps us in beans and glitter glue. He's a best boy in the business and an AWESOME screenwriter. He just finished one that I think will do very well.

He's hilarious and cracks me up daily. This Craft Whore thing has been a great experience for us because, up until we started doing the little films, I've never been able to perform in front of him. Every single time he'd show up to a play or a taping or whatever... I'd get all sweaty and sick and tank big time. But for whatever reason this doesn't feel like performing. It's just me, no pressure goofin' off and because I'm the editor I know that I can piece together something. Lots of times we shoot and he's so not amused.
But he's great and gets such a kick out of me looking stupid.

Ii love his snidely whiplash laugh you hear sometimes... I can't say enough about him.

Query: Sweet! We love your videos - tell us a wee bit more about your co-stars.

Whore: Steve Silverman is my one of my best friends in the whole world. He's a writer/producer and is the creator/producer of SLIDE SHOW. I'm really proud to be a regular performer in this. For ten bucks you get free hooch and eight amazing slide shows.

Danny Casillas is also a great pal o' mine. Besides being my crafty bartender, he's one of the stars of CHICO'S ANGELS... And he does an awesome Herve Villechaize on the MisMatch Game. I think you will agree he is muy taliento.

I met my one boy band, Bobby Banuelos doing Slide Show and just love him to pieces. He's so cute & HILARIOUS! Listen to him here.

I mentioned the ever so talented Ms. Alicia Brandt. We're still doing Women's Night Out each month. She always puts together the most amazing guests. We've had prostitutes, Nobel Peace Prize Winners, famous types, Sumo Wrestlers, you name it. It's basically
a subversive women's outing and it's freakin' free...

Query: So what's it gonna take to get an assistant? Can't you con some college kid into an internship or something?

Whore: RIGHT????!
I guess I could put an ad in craigslist... ' work for free in a hot ass garage bringing the craft whore cocktails while doing her grunt work. ' I betcha I get tons of responses. Actually, I'm going to start having guest assistants. I'm thinking of doing a series of episodes that are kinda like THE APPRENTICE. I do have a lot of surprisingly cool guests lined up.

Query: What's your life like outside of youtube and the web?

Whore: Uh... life outside of youtube? Um. Huh. Well... I do Slide Show....Women's Night Out. I volunteer for Hospice but my patient died two months ago and I haven't been assigned a new patient.

Honestly, I think people are surprised about how much time it takes for me to edit a webisode. I've had to teach myself and it's a slow process. This year has been freaky: we got robbed, I got sick, my great aunt died on my birthday, Oxygen passed on giving me a webshow hence I did it myself, my uncle died, my patient died, my friend's mom got breast cancer (she's okay!) I stabbed my hand, got vertigo, had a horrible computer crash and lost everything, went through three editing systems, my mother-in-law broke her hip, my mom got laid off, the list is endless. I'm hoping next year is drama free and I can get a lot done.

Query: We hope so - we want to see more Craft and A Cocktail! Thanks, Stacy! We adore you!!

p.s.

Got a question for Crafty Query? Someone in the craft scene that you'd like to know better?
Just wanna say HEY? Send your note to CRAFTY QUERY c/o julie@subversivecrossstitch.com